My aunt is like a second mother. To best describe her would be butterflies and roses. Warm sunshine on a fall day, the front porch swing we would sit at and drink tea, and hot chocolate. The late nights in my dorm room with oreo cookies and Dr Pepper, the little table in her kitchen we would sit at and solve all our problems. Tea parties on the front lawn. All the recipes she has taught me over the years, how to make ritzy chicken. Sitting in her closet praying that special prayer. Sleeping on her hard-ass bed. She was a dreamer, when everyone would spout reality, she, with a twinkle in her eye would dare you to go for your dream. When others said you can't she would say you can. She clipped southern living house plans and decorating ideas, yet scrimped and saved to stay home with her children. She planted the seeds of motherhood that I now embrace today. She values above all else being a wife and mother. Her back door always open and welcoming. Sweet and kind, loving and strong she is an amazing woman.
I have found myself wondering will I forget the smell of her clothes, how she walks, the expressions she makes. The sound of her voice? I find an urgency to soak it all in so I can tell her daughters all the stories she told me. All the advice over the years, I am storing away for when Sarah and Amelia will ask those same questions.
My aunt was hospitalized last Thursday and will probably stay in the hospital until this weekend. We are nearing the end of this battle and I am amazed that life is going on. I talk to people and try not to share too much. I know it is a depressing topic, so I feel very disconnected. It is hard to chat about school and the park with any real enthusiasm. It is just surreal, and much easier to stay within the cocoon of our family. I will be leaving again this weekend and could really appreciate prayers in regards to having a peace about staying or leaving. The girls start their co-op tomorrow and it will be weekly until October. This will make it very difficult for me to stay. A 8 hour commute to school. Yikes!
My grandmother is at the house with Amelia, who starts her senior year tomorrow. I think it will all be easier once Aunt Elaine comes home from the hospital. The hospital is an hour away in Atlanta, and the traffic is horrible.
So schooling has been sporadic. I am making an effort to continue Math and Reading and History. Everything else will fall in later. We are currently reading Oregon Bound and just finished watching the PBS special Frontier House. I cannot recommend it highly enough. It was a wonderful peek into pioneer life, juxtaposed against the 21st century.
Well enough typing, we have co-op in the morning, and I need a good nights sleep.
7 comments:
Your post was so touching. When you are going through something like this it does seem odd and sometimes pointless to have to talk about the everyday things and you will be distracted pretty easily. That's okay. You have the rest of your life to talk about boring old everyday things. For now, enjoy your aunt for every single minute that you can. You desribed an amazing woman. I am sure she knows how loved she is and that must be a huge comfor to her and her children right now. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Oh Leisa, I am sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine how hard it must be. I will pray for you to have wisdom about where you should be and peace once you have made the decision. It must be so stressful to be torn between both places.
I can relate to life seeming so odd when you are dealing with life and death health issues. It has been really hard for me with my dad this week.
I am so sorry that you are all dealing with these difficult issues. I am praying for wisdom and peace for you and yours.
Praying for you and crying for you. I too know how hard it is that life still goes on even when you are in the middle of a major family trauma. Talk about your aunt all you want, do whatever you need to do to get through this.
I agree with Julie - talk, talk, talk about your Aunt. I'm thinking of you today!
Leisa, Know that I am praing for you and your Aunt. I have been thinking of her a lot. I know how difficult this is for you. Don't worry about all of the other stuff. Focus on this time. ((hug))And if you need to talk...I am here.
I am so sorry that you are traveling a bend in the road you would probably skip. In the past 2 years we have lost a dad and grandmother. It is hard to school and go through these things. Relax, though this too is a lesson your girls will learn from and it is a very good one. I am so sorry that you are facing this. My grandmother passed away and hung on for along time. Watching her die a little each day was torment. I would cry buckets and then I would write about my feelings. I still feel her prescense in a good way. When things happen that I know she would smile at I sense her. I also agree with Julie ~ talk about it! Your are not alone.
Praying for you!
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